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know me all too well. I’m so predictably “Taylor” to those that know me it’s almost stupid. It’s weird when 2 different people who don’t even know each other and have seen 2 completely different sides of the same person have the same questions and concerns.
Story of the Day:
So I worked 2-10:30 today, ok. I hate that shift. It tears me apart from the inside and says “Taylor, when I am done with you, you will be a broken, cowering animal covered in meat juices and sanitizer. AND THEN… I will just take a big dump on you and remind you that you live kind of far away from work and I will waste your gas.” Anyways, I get to work and I sit down in the breakroom where a fellow employee of the mentally retarded persuasion (literally, I’m not just being a rudey McRude douche) walks in and sees the disdain on my face. He says “You look sad, why you sad?” then proceeds to play with his iphone. Wow, I must have looked pretty goshdarn depressed, but apparently I look like that all the time. I clock in and tell my shift lead that I am quitting in a month, so naturally she gets a little pissy and doesn’t talk to me for a while. Then another girl overhears this and she tackles me and tries to slit my throat with a cheese knife. Little did I know that she has been in love with me for the past week and now can’t stand to see me go in a month. Luckily, I was able to fling her off and suffocate her (not to death, just KO) using the shrink-wrap despenser. I hid her in the walk in fridge for the meantime, behind a bucket of pickles. After that, I went about my usual shift running around with a dazed look on my face wishing time would go by faster and faking a smile to customers. I had to work with K***n (rhymes with KEVIN) and he kind of annoys the hell out of me. I don’t know whether it’s the bossing me around part or the excessive paranoid appologies for having bossed me around 3 seconds before. Well eventually I got fed up with this, a little bit after my break, around 7 pm. So I pull K***n aside, see, and I waterboard his ass. YEAH, waterboarded him right there in the middle of the deli. I told him to look behind the pickle bucket and if he didn’t shut up he would end up there too. Needless to say, K***n didn’t say much to me the rest of the night. In fact, he cried. He cried like Lance Armstrong did when he realized he just wasn’t good enough. However, K***n’s balls were not done getting busted. The assistant food service manager apparently likes to laughingly mock K***n and write him up after he snaps at her. I thought it was funny atleast. The dude is a little fragile up top, so tonight he couldn’t take anymore. When she nagged and nagged and mocked him, he looked at her and said “Bitch, how do you wanna be sliced, shaved or sandwich style?!” She didn’t have a choice as K***n proceeded to slice her to pieces (sandwich style). It was pretty messy. During his bloody melee, I figured my work day was pretty much done. I then ate the last slice of pizza in the kitchen before K***n could get to it and I promptly left work. K***n saw me on the way out the door and said “See ya tomorrow,” I winced.
Disclaimer: Some of this story was fictionalized, some was true. Just sayin
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